One of my favorite gaming stories came last year from a conversation I had with Jason about Doom 2016. I'd been hyping it up to him, telling him how great it was- I'd only played it in early 2019 or late 2018 but it was great, right? He likes other first-person shooters like Far Cry, so I figure I'm giving him a solid recommendation. So he gets the game and gives it a go.
He's miserable. He hates it.
"What's up, man?"
"Dude, I keep trying to snipe these enemies and all I have is a shotgun. I do almost no damage and they just murder me."
"Wait. No. Man. Listen, you're not Hawkeye. You're Wolverine with a shotgun. Play it like that."
24 hours later he's telling me how amazing Doom is. So you could say that I was excited to play Doom Eternal, because it's true!
Unfortunately, my delivery of Doom Eternal was delayed because Amazon was prioritizing medial equipment during the pandemic.Which I'm totally fine with, because waiting to play something I thought was going to be good wasn't a problem. I'd still get my game and that was all that mattered-I don't have a fear of missing out.
Getting to read the reviews made me all the more excited: this game is supposed to be excellent.
So you might imagine how excited I was to get this game in the mail finally, because hey: the pandemic is on, as you might've heard, and things to do at home are nice!
The first thing that happens is: A Bethesda registration screen.
Why? Why is THAT a hurdle I have to jump over in order to play a game? ANY game?
There's no way to opt out: If I want to play their game, despite paying $60 for it, I now have to give them something more.
Fuck this nonsense. I hate it. I want to murder demons, I don't want to try and use a videogame controller for typing purposes: that isn't what it's for. I don't want to give Bethesda my information for anything; they've already got my money. And I know that they can track who is playing and when and for how long, because my PS4 is an internet device, which aside from letting me play games and giving me access to Netflix, is a box exists to tell businesses everything I do on it.
So eat shit, Bethesda.
You might say that I'm irate when I boot this up. First impressions matter and this one is already farting on me, but I really loved Doom-there's no reason why this shouldn't turn around quickly, right? There's only one thing to do in Doom: murder every demon until they are gone!
How do I do that?
No, really; watch the first thirtyish seconds of this video: tell me, how do you shoot or punch anything?
I didn't know. So I did the most obvious thing you can do: I pressed X.
It caused me to jump.
You don't know how to do anything until instruction for a glory kill appears, thirty seconds in. No instruction on movement, no instruction on how to do the most important thing you do in Doom.
Worse, the button is mapped to the R2, or the "not your trigger finger" button. Basically: the last place I'm expecting to look.
Who thought that was the correct idea?
So eat shit, id software.
Next we come to the very first instructional screen. You can see it at 2:56 in the last video. But can you read it? Because I can't read it easily.
Yes, yes, I know I'm older but I am playing on a modern, HD tv and I have my contacts in. Why isn't this big enough for me to read? Compare this to Doom 2016 where the instruction takes up a whole chunk of the lower screen. The font is bigger and isn't stylized, making it easier to read.
Why is my first moment of instruction one that I cannot parse? Worse, this is how all the instructions are given, as you can see approximately 20 seconds later with the chainsaw. So in a game that wants to push frantic movement and incredibly quick reactions, your instructions about how to do so are unclear.
So eat shit, id software.
Finally, I get a moment and press enough buttons that I can bring up a map of the level. I can see there is a secret for me to collect, but I can't seem to collect it. I can jump, but I can't jump high enough to reach a ledge. So I start wandering around-here's a wall that has a break in it; let's just press buttons until I get a "punch" action. (It's R3, which at least is familiar to other games that want you to perform a melee attack.)
And I begin to wander, trying to find a way to get at this secret. All I get is frustration-until the game finally-after I've nearly passed the opportunity to get the secret- tells me I can double-jump. I could always double-jump. From the get go!
Why why WHY do I feel as if the game is hiding the most basic stuff from me? I am being thrown into action and I don't feel empowered or being given skills to utilize: I feel like I'm being told to just 'figure it out'.
And I hate it. I don't want to play this game. I don't feel like I'm doing anything awesome, or have any joy of discovery, I feel like this is work.
I'm not even ten minutes into the game when I come across a character who I summarily murder and there's no context or meaning to it. But this is the first interaction you have with anyone! Whomever this creature is, it speaks to you, it isn't immediately trying to murder you and...it's dead.
My response to this is: So what? I don't feel any sense of accomplishment-I certainly never felt any sense of threat. I don't even know this character's name! I jump into the next stage-but again, I didn't know if I should jump, because I don't know what I can survive, so I waste time looking for a path down that doesn't involve jumping to my death, before just going for it, come upon another tutorial about weak points (about 7:50 into the video), die and then quit.
I hate this. It isn't fun.
In the rush to throw me into the game, they seem to have overlooked all the things that make the game worth rushing into!
Which all sucks, because I was really looking forward to this. Maybe that'll change, as I get the hang of things and I hope that it does.
But the people who made this game haven't made me feel welcome to their playground.
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